everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
