dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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