Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
