btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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