I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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