Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
