I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize