I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
