smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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