I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
