9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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