Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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