Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
