We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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