The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
