Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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