The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
