he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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