My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
