please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
