Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
