Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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