I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
