You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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