So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The air was thick with penises
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
