he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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