idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
