i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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