Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
