she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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