I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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