You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
