I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
