I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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