i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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