I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
