i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
