btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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