Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
only you would photoshop your dick
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
