i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
