Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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