So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
