Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
