is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
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It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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