I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
