Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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