Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
