I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
