So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
