Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize