So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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