I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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