Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
