No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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