dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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