I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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