Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
