I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
