the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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