he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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