Porn is love you can see.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
