Pants 0. Shit 1.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
