I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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