I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
