oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
