i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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