so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
