I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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