yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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