That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
