Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
