No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i will never coherently bang her
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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