I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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