why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
