I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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