In the future we'll all be gay
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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